The Hug – An Articulation August 11, 2006
Posted by Martin in : Philosophy, Weird Crap , 9commentsEarlier this evening, this little piece of rather fascinating information was imparted to me by a certain Anne Tanedo over instant messaging.Anne Tanedo: “yay!”
Anne Tanedo: “want a compliment?”
Me: “compliment?”
Me: “sure.”
Anne Tanedo: “you hug good.”
Me: “wow, thanks.”
Anne Tanedo: ‘your hug makes me feel safe.”
For those of you who gaze in wonder and incredulity at the oblique blandness and simplicity of the above text, the emoticons were mercilessly abducted by aliens. Why? I’m not sure either.
In all honesty, this was most unforeseen. All I recall doing was emplacing the right hand parallel to the waist with the left hand immediately above it, presumably on a 45 degree angle (perhaps less), thus enabling the hand to reach the vicinity of the left shoulder/nape. Light and moderate pressure was then applied by the left and right hands respectively, allowing for a mere 3-5 inch clearance between the chests. The hug itself then ensued.
It is worth noting that the above paragraph was written without apparent vulgar reference with extreme difficulty.
Now, let us define the meaning of this elusive “hug”. The average dictionary (meaning www.dictionary.com, hahaha!) defines it as “A close, affectionate embrace.” Simple enough, yes; it implies the use of emotion and subjective meaning to valuate this thing we call a “hug”, but little did I know that it was a skill and an art in itself.
Now, into the fray!*solemn silence*
The aforementioned informant then progressed to articulate the correct methodology in the execution of a standard human male to female hug.
Anne Tanedo: “basta ka-level ng waist (in reference to the arms, or some other appendage that can be utilized as a hugging medium). that’s the right area to hug a girl. kasi when you pull her in na, it makes her arch her back kasi ganun talaga yung natural curl nung back niya. ”
Click the image and observe.
Such a method requires skillful precision, for wrong execution can result in some rather inadvertently awkward moments. When one is initiates OR is requested to impart a hug, the first and most crucial step is the placement of the right arm, which is to be parallel to the waist. Do NOT overshoot the length of the body and go around in a circle. The left arm is then to be positioned immediately above the aforementioned, with the starting point being the right hand, and ending at the shoulder’s vicinity. Think of the positioning as a triangle, as seen in Euclidean geometry.
/I <– Yes, it’s a crappy triangle. The base would represent the right arm parallel to the waist as demonstrated. The angled line would be the left arm’s positioning, although the left arm would presumably be of the same length as the former, unlike what is depicted here. As such, you formed a special right triangle! Woohoo! …By the way, the “I” is there for superfluous embellishment. It’s my blog, I get to write, bleh.Pressure then follows, which is arguably one of the more difficult parts in this little cultural expression of intimacy and affection. One must note that the language used here is shoddy; force would be the more appropriate term. In this step, one must take care to not apply such acceleration that would jerk the other’s body towards your own. Rather, one must be smooth, fluidic, and uhm. sensual. Equally vague terms, yes, but nothing can be done to mitigate it. It is, after all, a subjective experience in its entirety. The clearance between both bodies is… subjective to preference. 
Ergo, in absolute, irreducible quintessence, do what I did with the ever-charismatic Anne Tanedo.
After that, hold the hug for as long as you possibly want. Momentary bliss is indeed a treasure worth savoring. Non semper erit aestas – It will not always be summer, meaning – Pleasure is momentary. Ergo, savor it, and keep its memory close.
…Image credited to google.
Ohhh gooooood.
Post #18/The Meaning of Life August 10, 2006
Posted by Martin in : Philosophy, Weird Crap , 3commentsIn lieu of a more proper and informative post title, I veered away from tradition and entitled this post “Post #18″, with a section on the Meaning of Life.Why?
Nothing, really.
Recently, a little effort involving a birthday, signatures, and escorts was made by a certain Jeric Vasquez to, in shoddy wording, presumably “please” a female, thereby signalling the need for a logical rebuttal by the usually merciless minds of the Concordium. However, seeing as one of us was indeed in a state of mindfuck, we had no choice but to yield to Jeric’s will, thus birthing my role of an arbiter. Hell, it was determined anyway.
On the tasked day of deployment, Jeric failed, quite simply. Damn. Parental authority can be quite the ironclad hand of GOD at times. And of course, hell hath no fury like a woman’s scorn. The day after that, commonly called “yesterday” (In the temporal context of the date in which this post was publicly disseminated) is a different story altogether.
Quintessentially speaking, Jeric was rendered irrationally jovial, Escort #2 was imperiously disparaged from his logical citadel, and I was left in a state of immitigable yearning. Such a feeling in this context is rather peculiar, yes. The cause of this? On one hand, we have covetousness. Intimacy is, after all, a long lost status quo. The depression felt from witnessing a “couple” doing uhm. Couply stuff is quite offensive to my sensibilities. Nevertheless, I act in rational self-interest in saying that I long for female companionship. Hmm.
On the other hand, we have the selfsame longing for meaning, and excuse the ambiguosity of the aforementioned noun.
It just occured to me at that concise point in the space-time continuum. What is the innate meaning of this action? What is the meaning of all this? What is the meaning of Life, the Universe, and Everything?
Okay, Yea, I’m lying. The thought occurred to me looong ago. I’m just making this shit up to make a prospectively enjoyable story. Now, my insouciant reader, fulfill your teleology! Read!
*Air of solemnity*
Ah yes, the ever-charismatic question pertaining to the coveted meaning of life. I have a bunch of answers, fool.
Meaning of life?
A little priest would say “serving god”, whatever that means.
A secular humanist would say “serving humanity”, same remark.
A late adolsescent would say “to get laid”. Well, at least that means something.
An entrepreneur would say “to get rich”, same as above.
Gawd, should he exist, would utter something so incorrigibly revealing that reality would fall upon itself, taking all the bread with it.
As demonstrated above, there is no concise, objective answer, and all those who claim to have the answer are wrong. Why? Because we’ve no idea as to what the question really is. What exactly is the underlying meaning of “the meaning of life”? Does “meaning” here denote purpose, means, desire, reason, end? All these words are equally ambiguous, and more bluntly, they are equally subjective, insofar as the numerous interpretations of various inquisitors are concerned. From an arbitrary perspective, all the proposals to solve the “question” are wholly crud.
To serve god? That in itself is utterly self-refuting.
To get laid? For you, for now.
To get rich? For you, for now.
Lo and behold, the nihilist-materialist “answer” to this quandary prevails, for it intrepidly declares that there is no objective meaning to life whatsoever. There is little solace to be found in self-refuting, telltale sky daddies and pearly white castles; Only truth holds primacy, pleasure is superfluous to it. There is no evidence for such beings, ergo, we are obliged to dispose of such a destructive hypothesis. You, a mere speck of being in this vast universe, are out on your own to set your own relative meaning, a meaning which hopefully coincides with our rational self-interest.
God is no source of meaning.
Should such a being exist, he doesn’t give a shit about you.
Salvation exists not; there is only the here and now.
Dum tempus habemus, operemur bonum – While we have the time, let us do good.
Whatever the collective determines to be good, comrade.
